Make It Awkward: Connecting with Students and Finding Joy
Want to create a more engaging and joyful classroom? Learn how "making it awkward" can foster stronger connections with your students.
I’m a big fan of making it awkward. I’m not scared to disagree with people, and I don’t mind tough conversations. I give strangers compliments, tell people to their faces that they are making a difference, and will hug people I’ve just met if the spirit moves me. I fully believe that making it awkward often leads to great breakthroughs and surprising gains, and I’ve always been willing to “be that person.” However, no matter how willing I am to take those types of chances, there’s a special kind of intimidation that comes from smiling at a room of 25 eighth-graders who I’ve only known for four days and explaining that I care about them and want to be “their person” and promise that I will be on their side as an advocate and cheerleader. As you’d expect, suddenly, half of them were looking intently for something on the bottom of their shoe; others giggled; and there were a few eye rolls too. Why would I put myself through this awkward exercise? It’s simple: I know that it works. This approach is something I’ve been talking about for a while now. (You can watch this webinar, Take Your Classroom Back: Starting the New Year With an Authority of Care.)
Yet, this year I feel compelled to take my “make it awkward” a little further by connecting with my students about finding joy in their last year of middle school. I’m working to make glimmers a part of their year. What’s a glimmer? According to The Newport Institute, a young adult mental health and substance use treatment center, “the term ‘glimmers’ was coined by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in complex trauma. In her 2018 book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Dana notes that glimmers aren’t grand experiences. On the contrary, she says, ‘They’re micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.’” My recent fascination with joy grew over the summer as I was inspired by the Harris-Walz campaign, Chappell Roan and the Olympics, as well as the movie Inside Out. My co-teacher and I vowed to sprinkle our own brand of glitter around by focusing on joy in the unlikeliest of places: a middle school! If you are interested in laying the groundwork for your own “awkward,” but caring commitment to your students’ joy, here are three activities that will help create an atmosphere that celebrates and appreciates the glimmers.
Embrace silly
My co-teacher designed these amazing slides for our “Question of the Day.” Instead of saying “here” when we call students’ names for attendance, they answer the Question of the Day. Here’s the slide that sparked conversation (and joy) today:
I still don’t know everyone’s name yet—not even close—but we laughed together as a caring community when one student answered, “What is the grossest school lunch item?” and the very next one asked, “What is the most delicious form of potato ever created?” Even though these two students were on opposite sides when it comes to the flaws vs. merits of tater tots, we were all able to enjoy being silly and not simply diving into the “work” of the day. The best part? This exercise helped us work on our classroom protocols for conversation: listening attentively; tracking the speaker; speaking loudly and clearly; and, of course, being able to have differing opinions!
Middle school is a roller coaster on the best days and a train wreck on the worst ones, so we really want to normalize kids’ expressing their emotions while also helping them see the good around them.
Embrace awkward
As a part of our first week, we asked students to think about joy, and we talked about glimmers. Middle school is a roller coaster on the best days and a train wreck on the worst ones, so we really want to normalize kids’ expressing their emotions while also helping them see the good around them. It isn’t a topic I think kiddos talk about much, but we asked them to brainstorm with their small groups about the little things that make them happy. We had to circulate, prompt, and basically push and pull the answers out of them, but this was an important “awkward” in setting up our classroom community. We—and by “we” I mean my co-teacher who is the one who makes things like bulletin boards happen—posted their notecards in the front of the room, right above the cellphone stadium. Why there? Simply put, that is where all students will see it as they drop off their phones and use the chargers. We are also emphasizing disconnecting from their cellphones during class to give their brains a break from the false serotonin hits from notifications, and instead focus on our interactions.
Embrace celebration
Next week, we plan to introduce yet another “community bulletin board.” We’ve done this before, and I’m not sure when it dropped off, but I’ll assume it was during the pandemic. As I mentioned, this year, we are making it awkward intentionally. We are asking students to post things they are proud of so we can offer them congratulations and embarrass them in front of the class. We tell them our goal is to always “embarrass” them by bragging on them. Students will post the obvious choices like sports photos, awards and the like, but the one I remember the most was when a student posted a picture of his grandma. When we asked him about it, he explained to the class that she had dementia, and his family had trusted him to stay with her all day while they were out. He was so proud of himself, and I was choking back tears. The cool part? Students were respectful of this accomplishment, and they were able to see him in a different light.
Another great way to “make it awkward” (but in a good way), is to share how great you think kiddos are with all of their adults. Here’s an email I sent yesterday to brag about a middle school boy. I sent it to his parents, my co-teacher, our assistant principals, and his guidance counselor. My hope is that when they see him, they’ll extend the congratulations on being a great kiddo. If you doubt the significance of these types of awkward celebrations, just think about the last time someone really noticed something good about you and shared it with others. Been awhile? Of course it has! People don’t do this often, but when they do, we remember. Humans crave this type of validation. As Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
Use these three easy (but awkward) moves to bring joy to your classroom community. I’m excited to see what happens when we deliberately and intentionally create opportunities for joy. I know one thing: This is the best start of a school year that I’ve had in a very long time, and I am certain it is because making it awkward is paying off!
Take Your Classroom Back: Starting the New Year with the Authority of Care
In this session, we identify practices that will bolster relationships, improve students’ engagement, and help create a Caring Classroom that you feel good about.
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Amber Chandler is a National Board Certified middle school ELA teacher in Hamburg, New York with a Master’s Degree in Literature, as well as a School Building Leader certification. She is the 2018 Association for Middle Level Educators’ “Educator of the Year.” Amber has enjoyed a wide variety of... See More
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