National Coming Out Day
The world has changed in ways that make me so proud of the generations after mine, so this Coming Out Day, I want to tell you what I see that has changed, what has improved, and what gives me hope.
National Coming Out Day was first celebrated in the U.S. on Oct. 11, 1988. On Oct. 11, 1992, at a smallish conservative private college, my boyfriend opened his dorm door and was showered with the swill from a garbage can filled with water and trash. It was a blur, really. I don’t think we understood what was happening until a few seconds later. There was shouting and boys running down the hall, and then we heard the homophobic slurs. We were only a little over a month into college, and we quickly learned that the personal was most definitely political, even by association. The Coming Out Day surprise was not meant for my boyfriend, but instead for his roommate. I honestly don’t know what we did, or how much we talked about this, but I know we didn’t tell an RA or file a Dignity for All Students Act report, or even tell our families about the hate. Our friend Chris had courageously decided to tell his friends and family that he was gay, and this was the result.
Looking back, I knew so little about so much that it is painful. I had a fairly sheltered background, and I could not believe that this could happen to anyone. I have been a fierce ally since those days, certain that no one should ever have their dignity assaulted for asserting the person they loved. I am incredibly thankful that 30 years later, my daughter, who is attending a Christian college, is also attending GSA (Genders & Sexualities Alliance Network) meetings to support her friends. If you are interested in creating your own GSA, here’s a great resource to get you started, Creating Safe Spaces for LGBTQ Students. The world has changed in ways that make me so proud of the generations after mine, so this Coming Out Day blog is going to be a little different. I want to tell you what I see that has changed, what has improved, and what gives me hope.
I see musician Harry Styles, much loved and mainstream, challenge old-school expectations of masculinity. I see spaces marked as “safe” throughout the community, and businesses making the personal political while risking losing sales. I see representation. I see progress. I see same-sex marriages. I see leaders who are not afraid to be fully themselves. I see transgender kiddos speak up and ask for their preferred pronouns to be used. I wrote about this last year in Supporting LGBTQIA+ Students as I asked educators to consider how we can help students feel comfortable in their own experience.
There is progress, and there are many allies like me who will not let the bravery and courage of those like my friend Chris be shoved back into the closet out of fear.
Back in 2005, Gallup World Poll asked respondents if their area was a “good place for gay and lesbian people.” Not surprisingly, about 80 percent of the world said it was not. In 2021, the question was posed again, and half the respondents said it was! This is incredible progress; my daughter, born in 2005, is experiencing a world I could not have imagined in my college years. I’m not suggesting that the day-to-day struggles are not still excruciating, as those are not my story to tell. If you are interested in these spaces for your school, Learning Environments: 5 Steps for Creating Welcoming and Inclusive Learning Environments is a great place to start.
However, there is progress that I want to celebrate and share. There is progress, and there are many allies like me who will not let the bravery and courage of those like my friend Chris be shoved back into the closet out of fear. As educators, we have a special obligation to protect those in our care who are vulnerable; and make no mistake, statistics tell us that LGBTQIA+ kiddos are bullied and harassed, and suffer serious mental health consequences. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is an invaluable resource as well, and this video can help you wrap your head around how seriously we must take our kiddos’ mental health.
The fact is though that we need to protect all kinds of “coming out” moments. Most of adolescence is a story of becoming who you are, constantly revealing parts of yourself with a fear of rejection. If we can support those small moments, and model for students what unconditional respect is, we can create a culture of dignity where everyone can be who they are, then we can create a culture of acceptance that would perhaps pave the way for those who are ready to “come out.”
Before I told this story publicly, I messaged my friend Chris to ask if I could talk about him in my blog because he was the first gay person I’d ever met (or at least the first to be able to tell me about it). As a response, he sent me a picture of him and his husband. Progress.
If you are interested in finding new ways to support your students this Coming Out Day (and all the other days too), Share My Lesson has great resources in its LGBTQIA+ topic area, as well as its collection: LGBTQIA+ Educator Resources and Lesson Plans. Share My Lesson and the AFT have provided curated resources to help all of us, no matter where we are in our own journey toward fully supporting all students.
LGBTQIA+ Inclusive Educator Resources
Support and celebrate LGBTQIA+ students and inspire meaningful advocacy with these free lesson plans, activities and educator resources.
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
Want to see more stories like this one? Subscribe to the SML e-newsletter!
Amber Chandler is a National Board Certified middle school ELA teacher in Hamburg, New York with a Master’s Degree in Literature, as well as a School Building Leader certification. She is the 2018 Association for Middle Level Educators’ “Educator of the Year.” Amber has enjoyed a wide variety of... See More
Advertisement
